loonies

I guess this is where I write about the Will.i.am / Perez Hilton feud because this is a blog, and every blog on the internet is currently doing that, as per President Obama's edict. So here we go. As I understand it, Mr. Hilton and Mr. i.am got in some kind of BOOM BOOM POW fist fight at the Much Music Awards in Toronto that ended with former calling the latter a "faggot," which makes no sense whatsoever, mostly because I thought Much Music stopped broadcasting sometime in 1999. Instead of calling the police, Perez used his phone to Twitter that anyone reading should call the police (it's similar to the situation in Iran) and now everyone is choosing sides (now that we've all moved on from Jon & Kate) because everyone loves a good old-fashioned East Coast/West Coast and Canada hip-hop war. Even Kirstie Alley!

As paralyzingly stupid as all of this might seem, it does remind us of an important lesson that always bears repeating: in a world of uncertainties, Will.i.am's verse in any song that contains a Will.i.am verse will be the worst fucking part of that song. If you don't know what I'm talking about seek out his bit in Justin Timberlake's "Damn Girl." It is, with absolute certainty, one of the worst raps I've ever heard. And I went to high school with a bunch of white kids from Queens.